Dear Colleen, My sister and I are at odds about our father’s new relationship with a woman he met on a dating site a few months ago.
Our mother passed away three years ago after 34 years of marriage and the father was alone until he met a new lady.
I actually feel happy that he met someone he loves because I hate to think of him alone and I don’t have anyone of his age to talk to and enjoy life with him. But my sister reacted really badly.
She has never met this woman, but she really did make her look for gold and have eyes on our lovely father’s house.
By the way, this woman did absolutely nothing to suggest that she was such a thing! From what my father said, she is divorced, has a job that she loves, and she has two grown-up sons.
I lose respect for my sister and I can’t help but feel that this is all about her, and she is not thinking about my father’s future and happiness.
I think it is illogical and you have to think what is best for dad, but every time we discuss it we end up arguing. any ideas?
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I don’t want to be near him anywhere now.
I want him to leave for awhile so I can get my head straight, but he doesn’t. Where do I go from here?
What a beautiful (and very rational) daughter you are. You think about this the right way, plus your father is an adult man with a lot of experience in life and would soon work out if this woman had an ulterior motive.
Maybe your sister has something to do with the fact that she can’t bear seeing him with anyone other than your mom – she might be struggling with that. To her, it might sound like an affair or a betrayal of your mother’s memory.
So the next time you talk to her, why not ask her if this is really what’s going on behind her objection to your father’s girlfriend.
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She may open up to you a little and can have a more constructive conversation. And tell her you understand – if your mom was still alive, she’d be together and it’s weird to see him move on.
Also remind her that she doesn’t know this new woman, but your dad does. So what you should all focus on is how happy she was with him after all he went through and the loneliness that he must have felt. If he wanted to spend money on it, then his money would spend it.
Maybe you should agree not to talk about it if it always ends in a row, but I hope your sister doesn’t make your parent feel guilty or foolish. Also, your dad will be concerned about how you and your sister are feeling – it gets tough when you move in with a new partner and share the kids.